South Carolina Family Law Blog

Your Recipie for a Happy Divorce

J. Benjamin Stevens — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 00:05:15 -0500

Maintaining happiness (or some semblance of it) through your divorce might not be as difficult as you think. According to scientists, the following things make us happy:

Virtues: Our sense of wisdom, justice, compassion for others,
Gratitude: Appreciating what we have and expressing it to ourselves and others,
Savoring: Enjoying the moment and taking time to smell the roses,
Engagement: Being in our activities for the experience of it ("being in the zone"),
Living a meaningful life: Doing things for others and helping others.

Studies of the Danish (the happiest people on earth) show that low expectations also make us happy. If our expectations are low, then we become happy when things go unexpectedly well. Also, Denmark's social safety net ensures people the basic necessities of life.

How can you go through a "happy" divorce?

Remember that you are in control of the things that make you happy (see 1-5 above).
Approach the divorce – and the associated child-custody, division of property, maintenance issues – with realistic expectations.
Reach an agreement with your spouse and litigate as few things as possible. This will save you money and – like the Danish – you won't have to worry about the basic necessities of live.

Source: "Recipe for a Happy Divorce" published at Divorce by Marie Fahnert.

Tips to Help Prepare for Court

J. Benjamin Stevens — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 08:41:00 -0500

When it comes to the Courtroom, you will find this to be a pretty place. Once the divorce proceedings begin, the outcome of your divorce is in the hands of a total stranger – the Judge. You no longer have control. All decisions will now be made by a stranger. Of course this stranger may be having a bad day, not feeling well, or even have had a major fight with their spouse the night before. I know it’s scary and may even seem unfair, but this is the real world and it happens all the time. This judge is now in control of the outcome of your trial.

Here are a few tips to help prepare you for the Courtroom experience:

First, I strongly recommend you try to settle as many issues as possible before entering the Court Room. This means the judge won’t be in control of everything.
Do not expect the Judge will always make decisions in your favor. There are three directions the judge can go when making a decision: Your way, your spouse’s way, or the Judge’s way. As you can see, two out three are not in your favor.
Discuss how you should act, and when to speak with you attorney before going into the courtroom. Do not speak unless asked to do so by the Judge.
When addressing the Judge with respect by addressing him/her as “Your Honor.”
Never speak to or make comments to your spouse when you are before the Judge.
Leave all hostile and negative emotions at the door. Do not make faces or gestures when the judge or your spouse’s attorney is speaking. Judges see this and do not appreciate it.
Dress for success. Your attorney will have a certain strategy on how he/she wants you to be portrayed. Therefore, consult your attorney on how he/she wants you to dress.
Take notes. Don’t leave anything to chance. Your attorney will be very busy during the process and cannot remember or write everything down.
Be prepared and stay organized. Bring as much information, documentation and any pertinent documents that you possibly can with you. It is better to have too much ammunition than not enough.
Be prepared to be in the court house for some time. You will sometimes wait for hours before your case is called.

Source: "Divorce – Court Room Tips" published at Barrow & Weigel PLLC's Kentucky Family & Divorce Law Blog.

Spartanburg Family Lawyer Interviewed at Greenville Online / Upstate Parent

J. Benjamin Stevens — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 08:44:04 -0500

From Upstate Parent magazine / GreenvilleOnline.com:

Ben Stevens is a 39-year-old native of Orangeburg who is a family law attorney in Spartanburg. He's also a legal blogger at www.SCFamilyLaw.com as well as www.TheMacLawyer.com. He lives in Spartanburg with wife Hollinger and children Jay, 9, and Elizabeth, 7. A new member of the family, a boy, is expected in February.

1. Surf or turf?

A good steak is second only to good seafood.

2. What's your favorite childhood memory?

Playing baseball with my friends in the playground directly behind my house.

3. What's your favorite dinner?

I enjoy shaking things up by having breakfast for dinner from time to time — bacon, eggs and cheese grits.

4. What's your favorite way to relax?

Writing for my blogs and watching movies with my wife.

5. What is your favorite TV show?

“Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

6. When you were younger, what did you want to be?

Much older.

7. What was the best night out you've ever had?

The night I got engaged — dinner at my wife's favorite restaurant, Soby's, followed by me surprising her by popping the question at Falls Park in Greenville.

8. What's your favorite restaurant?

Chophouse '47.

9. What are your talents and hobbies?

The ability to communicate and motivate others, which I use in coaching youth baseball and basketball.

10. What is something important life has taught you?

Sometimes the best things happen to you when you least expect them.

11. What do you wish you could do?

Have about three more hours every day to be able to do all the things that I don't have time to do now.

12. What would surprise people about you?

I'm still a rabid Clemson fan, even after attending USC School of Law.

13. What do you have on your nightstand?

My iPhone and a book about effective communication skills.

14. What do you wish you could share from your childhood with your children?

The self-reliance that I learned while being raised by a single parent.

15. What is your favorite indulgence?

Sneaking off to play a quiet round of golf, though that doesn't happen nearly often enough.

16. What's the best book you've read lately?

The best book ever is “A Time to Kill” by John Grisham — it just doesn't get any better.

17. How did you meet your spouse?

We met when I was cross-examining her on the witness stand as she testified for the opposing party in a family court case.

18. What was your first job?

My first real job was working at a feed-and-seed store, where my duties included shoveling chicken poop.

19. Whom do you most admire?

Rather than any one person, I admire different aspects of several people: my grandfather's common sense and wisdom; my father's insight and ability to see the next move; and my wife's ability to get along with just about everyone.

20. What celebrity have you met, and how cool was it?

I worked security at a concert by The Smithereens back when I was at Clemson, and they were not only cool guys, they were very down to earth.

Source: "20 Questions with Ben Stevens" published at GreenvilleOnline.com.

Have You Googled Your Spouse?

J. Benjamin Stevens — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 00:01:57 -0500

Do you know your spouse? Do you really know him/her? Check out the following article to see what a wife learned about her husband through a simple Google search:

Faye Miller was having some marital problems and went to counseling to avoid a divorce. Her therapist suggested she do some digging on the internet concerning her fears about her husband. He was a podiatrist who she thought "was working a lot of hours and away at medical conferences." It turns out he was away a lot given he had 2 other wives, one in California and one in Canada. Her research turned up that the doctor was married to one woman when he married Faye and then married another woman in Canada after they were married. Well, the battle is on. She has filed for an annulment and also seeks child support for their two children. The husband claims it was just a misunderstanding. You can read more about the case here.

Source: "Google Search Turns Up 2 Other Wives for Husband" by Robert Kisselburgh, published at his Mississippi Family Law Blog.

How To Find A Good Family Law Attorney When You Need One

J. Benjamin Stevens — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:01:59 -0500

Most people do not have a clue how to find a good lawyer when they need one. In fact, statistics show that 68% of consumers spend two hours or fewer gathering information before selecting a lawyer.

Determine the type of lawyer you need. In most states, a licensed attorney may practice in any field of law, but most concentrate on very specific areas. Most states (though not South Carolina) also have a process of specialization for attorneys. "In days gone by, most lawyers were general practitioners, meaning that they handled cases in a wide variety of practice areas. As the number of lawyers grew, the law became more complicated, and our society spread out, it has become necessary for lawyers to concentrate their efforts," says Michelle May O'Neil, a board-certified Dallas divorce lawyer . There are almost as many different practice areas as there are lawyers. For example, a lawyer who practices admiralty law might not be the best attorney to assist a person needing a divorce. Or, a construction lawyer might not be best suited for a real estate dispute.
Utilize referral sources. One of the best resources to find a lawyer that does the kind of law you need is through other lawyers. Everyone should know at least one lawyer they could call and ask for a referral. Even if the lawyer you know practices criminal law and you need someone to prepare a will, the criminal lawyer will be able to give you some referrals in the practice area you need. There are also referral lists maintained by most local and state bar associations. The downfall of using these services is that there is usually no screening on the qualifications of the particular lawyer with the individual need. It is then up to the consumer to inquire sufficiently into the lawyer's experience compared to the need of the consumer.
Look online to research lawyers in the area you need. The internet is an extremely beneficial source of locating a lawyer. Many websites maintain directories of lawyers nationwide. Most law firms these days maintain websites and usually you can find those through any search engine. Often lawyers are active in professional or community organizations which may be featured on a website. "My firm's website www.oneilanderson.com is a key tool in educating clients on what distinguishes my family law firm from another firm in Dallas," says Dallas Divorce Lawyer Michelle May O'Neil. "I find that most potential new clients read all or part of an attorney's website before meeting in person."
Meet in person with a couple of lawyers. The initial interview with an attorney that you are considering hiring is extremely important. Take with you to the interview all of the documents and other information that relates to your problem. Also take with you the names and addresses of the important people that have something to do with your case. Don't be afraid to ask your lawyer about his or her credentials. Ask how many cases similar to your's that she has handled. Prepare a list of questions to ask when you get there - what is the law related to your case? What are the realistic outcomes? What is the lawyer's philosophy for handling your case? Does she recommend an aggressive approach or one geared more toward settlement? Consider your comfort level with the attorney and the personal compatibility. Did you get a feeling of trust from the attorney? Did the attorney seem to know what she was talking about? Did the lawyer seem confident about your case? I never recommend that a person hire the first attorney they meet
Establish reasonable expectations. Many people have never dealt with a lawyer before, so they don't know what to expect. First and foremost, you should expect frank, honest advice. Your lawyer should point out for you the strong and weak points of your case and give you a realistic expectation of the potential outcomes. She should keep you informed and send you copies of documents pertaining to your case. If a lawyer gives you a guaranteed result, run the other way!!! Lawyers are prohibited from guaranteeing any particular outcome, so be very leery if this happens. Don't expect your lawyer to act as a psychologist, financial advisor, tax planner, or to give any other advice outside of her expertise. If you need advice in other areas, consult a professional in that area.

Source: "How To Find A Good Lawyer When You Need One" by Michelle O'Neil, published at the Dallas Divorce Law Blog.

Child Custody Terms :: Legal, Physical, Sole, Joint, Primary, Split and Others

J. Benjamin Stevens — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 00:01:40 -0500

Note: The following post was done by an attorney in Missouri, but it does an excellent job of explaining many of the terms commonly used with regard to child custody. Many of the terms referenced below are used in other states, including South Carolina. You should contact an attorney in your state to discuss the terms that apply there.

In cases involving children, the Court must, either by agreement or by trial, set up some sort of custodial arrangement for the kids involved. There are many options available, all of which fit under a just a few legally recognized categories. There are as many if not more “definitions” of custody floating around out there that don’t actually mean anything legally. People usually have at least some idea of what it is that they are seeking in their minds, but they have trouble defining it. So here we go with a little Child Custody 101 to assist those with their initial case preparation:

Legal Custody :: This is one of the two types of custody that must be determined by a Missouri Court in all cases. The legal aspect of custody means decision making and parental authority, basically. It means having the legal right to make (and participate in) any material decisions affecting the children. Included are the choice or change of school, college, camp, or comparable summer activity, special tutoring, music, sports, art, dance, and other cultural lessons, psychological or psychiatric treatment or counseling, doctors, and surgeons; notice of illness and injury; access to school and medical records; and all other material decisions affecting the health, education, and welfare of the children. Specifically, decisions regarding educational instruction, religious instruction, health care, discipline, and child care providers are included in the model parenting plan, but anything relevant to the children could be included in the definition. Legal custody can be granted to one or both parents, but the overwhelming preference is for joint legal custody.
Physical Custody :: This is the second aspect of custody that must also be determined. Physical custody simply means the right to have actual physical possession of the children at a certain specified time. The preference is for joint physical custody, which only means that both parents have the right to physical possession of the children at certain times. The actual schedule can vary greatly, however, and this is where tailoring to the specific needs of the family is important. Joint physical custody could be an alternate weekend schedule, alternate weeks, holidays and spring break only, summertime only, 3 day/4 day, 5 day/2 day, 50/50, open ended, or whatever other schedule is appropriate for the case. Just as a note, in a 50/50 joint physical parenting schedule, reduced child support is still usually paid in some form or another.
Joint Custody :: As discussed above, this is the preferred arrangement and will usually be awarded unless a physical or emotional danger to the child is demonstrated. The Court has to determine whether joint custody is appropriate as to both the legal and physical aspects of custody.
Sole Custody :: This is the alternative to joint custody where only one parent is granted either all of the decision making rights (sole legal custody) or all of the physical parenting time with the other parent being excluded completely (sole physical custody), or both. Courts are reluctant to order either of these options unless it is shown to be in the children’s best interests, which usually means that physical or emotional danger to the children will occur under any other alternative. Also, as many times as I have seen it, there is no such thing as sole physical custody to one parent along with a parenting schedule for the other parent. If both parents are to see the children, whatever the schedule, that is joint physical custody by definition.
Split Custody :: This is an arrangement where the children are “split up” between the two parents, meaning that some of the children reside with one parent while the other children reside with the other parent. This is not too common, but it does happen. Courts are usually reluctant to split up children except in the most unique of circumstances, but the parents can agree to such an arrangement if they feel it is best.
Full Custody :: There is no definition of Full Custody in Missouri and it has no legal significance. When referring to this, people are talking about some combination of the above types of custody.
Primary Custody :: This is no longer a legal definition in Missouri. Now it is called “residential address for education and mailing purposes.” It usually means the home where the children reside for the greater amount of time, and the home that is in the children’s school district. The parents are supposed to be equal so they are no longer referred to as the primary parent and the lesser parent.
Visitation :: This is the time where you view the body before a funeral. So, if you are talking about your kids, call it something else, like “parenting time”.

Hopefully, this helps to clarify a little bit, but when it comes down to it, it is still just a bunch of words on paper. Put the children first, focus on what is best for them and what will really work with your family, and don’t get too wrapped up in the terminology.

Source: "Full Custody, Joint Custody, Sole or Split? Or maybe 50/50. What do I really want and what exactly do these words mean in Missouri anyway?" by Mark Wortman, published at his Missouri Divorce & Family Law Blog.

GSA Business Reports Firm Merger

J. Benjamin Stevens — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 00:32:37 -0500

Spartanburg attorneys David Turnipseed, Doug Brannon, Brac Turnipseed and Ben Stevens have combined their practices to create Turnipseed, Brannon & Stevens.

“This new partnership provides a tremendous added value for all our clients,” said David Turnipseed, whose office at 128 Magnolia St. now serves as the new headquarters. “By joining forces, we will be able to provide additional levels of service while continuing our primary mission of protecting Spartanburg families’ rights during difficult times.”

Turnipseed, Brannon & Stevens is a full-service family law, criminal law and personal injury firm.

With more than 60 years of experience, the attorneys’ knowledge and integrated legal philosophies complement and enhance one other, the firm said. Stevens brings a technological interest to the mix, known nationally as “the Mac lawyer.” Brannon is a criminal defense attorney with a strong civic commitment to the Spartanburg community.

Source: "Spartanburg Attorneys Join Forces" published in GSA Business.

SC Family Law Blog Named in Top 100 Divorce/Family Law Blogs

J. Benjamin Stevens — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 00:01:06 -0500

The South Carolina Family Law Blog was named one of the Top 100 Divorce/Family Law Blogs. I am very pleased to have received this honor and to have been named along with such other prominent family law blogs. 2009 was a great year for this blog, and I am excited about all the great things that 2010 holds. You can view the whole list here.

Father's Rights in Child Custody Cases

J. Benjamin Stevens — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 00:01:23 -0500

Custody Battle: Dad's Story – A new generation of fathers is fighting for custody – and a fair shake in court:

“Yes, but who’s going to cook them dinner?” When Ben Oshman got that question from a judge hearing his request for custody of his three kids, he was furious. Because whatever new challenges moms have these days, when it comes to custody, things haven’t changed much for dads—especially the gender-based stereotypes that render them the second most important parent.

But now, dads are fighting back, demanding custody where custody’s due. Their motivation is simple: “I wanted to have kids. I wanted to have the family,” says Oshman, who ended up getting joint custody of his three girls. To him, divorce “didn’t mean I should have to give up my family.”

A groundswell of support is rising up for dads seeking custody, as evidenced by the increasing number of groups like dads rights (dadsrights.org), Custody Warriors, and dadsdivorce.com. “Fathers increasingly want to be more deeply involved with their children”—a desire that doesn’t disappear after divorce, says Danny Guspie, executive director of Fathers resources international, a group that advises divorced dads. “When you see some dads have success, it encourages others.”

Thirty years ago, dads never litigated for custody, says Jeffery M. Leving, a Chicago lawyer at the forefront of the fathers’ rights movement. “Men didn’t place fatherhood at the top of their priorities. Now, if they face a divorce, their children are their main priority, and they will fight to avoid being kicked to the curb.”

Bottom line: dads say they’ve become better parents, so they deserve a better chance. “They’re demanding more fairness,” says Leving, “and sometimes they’re getting it.”

Philip Lerman is the author of Dadditude: How a Real Man Became a Real Dad.

Source: "Custody Battle: Dad's Story" by Philip Lerman, published at Working Mother magazine.

How to Dress for Court

J. Benjamin Stevens — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 00:01:34 -0500

Clients often wonder what they should wear to Court for their hearing. The answer can vary depending on whether your case is contested or non-contested. If your case is not contested, such as a no-fault divorce or approval of an agreement, then the following attire is recommended:

For Men: A nice pair of slacks and a dress shirt or golf shirt would be appropriate. A sports coat or suit may be worn but certainly is not required. Shoes and socks should be worn as “flip flops” are prohibited. Shorts are not permitted to be worn in the Courtroom, nor are tank tops, tee shirts, shirts reflecting foul or vulgar language or politically incorrect language, or hats.
For Women: A dress, skirt and top, or slacks and a nice top would be appropriate. As in the paragraph above, it would not be appropriate to appear in Court in shorts, a halter top, or a skimpy tank top, or flip flops.

In contested cases, where the parties will testify against one another, the Court's impression of each party is much more important, and the proper and/or appropriate attire for either party changes dramatically. For instance, in a contested divorce or child custody hearing, wherein each party would be on the witness stand for protracted periods of time, the following attire would be appropriate:

For Men: Same as above; however, a sports coat or suit could be worn but would not be considered mandatory. If the Husband/Father is seeking custody of his child or children, he would want to be dressed conservatively – nothing too flashy, nothing too out-of-the ordinary. For example, if a young Husband is seeking custody of his children, he could receive “negative” points if he appeared in Court in non-traditional attire such as Black Gothic Style clothing or wildly colored hair. Remember, that most Judges are older conservative individuals. If the Husband/Father has an abundance of tattoos, he should consider wearing a long-sleeved shirt to “cover” them. Also, it would be advisable for the client to remove evidence of body piercings – ears, lips, nose, eyebrows, etc.
For Women: The main point to remember is that this is not the time to appear to be “hot” or “sexy” – especially if you are seeking custody of your children. You want to appear stable, sensible, warm and loving. Soft colors are better than bright and vibrant colors. Longer skirt lengths are better than short skirt lengths. You do not want to wear anything that would be considered “too short, too skimpy, too wild, too bold, or too sexy”.

Typically, clients should dress for Court as they would for church or an important job interview. If you are in the armed services, wearing your military attire is a very safe choice. If you look sloppy or inappropriate, the Judge may believe that you are showing or displaying a lack of respect for the Court. Never forget that you have only one opportunity to create that “first impression”, so consider these “do’s and don’ts” in advance of your Court date and make a good impression with the Judge.

Source: "How To Dress For Court – Do’s And Don’ts" by Robert L. Mues, published at his Ohio Family Law Blog.

Turnipseed, Brannon & Stevens

J. Benjamin Stevens — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 00:01:40 -0500

Effective today, The Stevens Firm joins forces with Turnipseed & Brannon to form Turnipseed, Brannon & Stevens, located at 128 Magnolia Street, Spartanburg, SC 29306. Our firm handles family law, personal injury, criminal law, workers’ compensation, Social Security disability, and general civil litigation cases. The firm can be reached at either (864) 598-9172 and (864) 573-0048, and you can get directions to the office by clicking here.

Text Messages Are Digital Lipstick for Cheating Spouses

J. Benjamin Stevens — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 00:01:39 -0500

Tiger Woods, Sen. John Ensign, the Mayor of Detroit -- all men whose adultery was discovered by text messages to their lovers. Family law attorneys have seen a rise in the number of situations where a cheating spouse's own text messages tell his/her spouse about the adultery, and that number is expected to continue to grow in the future.

Most people know that email messages remain on their computers even if deleted, but they do not think about text messages in the same way. A copy of the message remains on the cell phones of both the sender and receiver for at least some period of time, and communications companies retain them for short periods of time. AT&T says that it keeps its text messages for 72 hours at most, while Verizon claims it saves them for 5 to 10 days.

Of course, younger cell phone users use text messages more than older users, so the number of cases involving this issue is expected to grow. The Nielsen Company reports that text messages now outnumber mobile voice calls three to one. Monthly text messages sent or received jumped to 584 per person in the quarter ending in September, which is a 60 percent increase from a year earlier.

Source: “Text Messages: Digital Lipstick on the Collar” by Laura M. Holson, published in the New York Times.

Do You Overparent Your Children?

J. Benjamin Stevens — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 19:13:01 -0500

A recent article in Time addresses the issue of parents "overparenting" their children. Parents have become obsessed with their child’s safety and education, and that's not necessarily a good thing. Consider whether the following is too much:

Some parents demanded that a nursery offer to teach Mandarin, claiming it’s never to soon to prepare children for the competition of a global economy.
Other parents began to write their children’s homework and science projects for the best grade.
A mayor in Connecticut agreed to chop down three hickory trees on one block because a grandmother was worried a stray nut would get in her pool that her grandson who is allergic to nuts occasionally swam in.

In 1969, 41% of parents allowed their children to walk to the bus stop or ride their bikes alone to the bus, but by 2001, it had dropped to only 13%. Increasingly, parents simply aren’t allowing their children out of their sight, and some parents hover over their children and infantilize them into being incompetent.

People seem to believe that there is a "secret formula" for parenting and that if you just read enough books and spend enough money, everything will be o.k. The fact is that every child and every family are different, and it is o.k. to disagree or take a different path than what the books and media recommend. No matter how well you protect your child, they are going to have to learn things on their own.

Source: "Can These Parents Be Saved” by Nancy Gibbs, published in Time (November 30, 2009).

Tips to Follow for Holiday Parenting Time

J. Benjamin Stevens — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 00:01:01 -0500

Separated, divorced, and divorcing parents can use the following tips regarding the “nuts and bolts” of handling the Christmas holiday season:

Examine the parenting schedule in your Court Order to make sure you understand when you are supposed to have the children. If you cannot find your Order, you can obtain a replacement from your attorney’s office or the Clerk of Court where your order was filed.
Plan your Christmas schedule with family members according to the parenting schedule that is in place for you. For example, if you are to have the children from December 20 to December 24, do not invite your parents or extended family members to your home to celebrate Christmas with you and the children on December 25 and expect your former spouse or estranged spouse to agree to your request to have the children on Christmas Day.
Remember that children truly are resilient! Christmas Eve does not have to be celebrated on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day does not have to be celebrated on December 25 of each year. You and your children are free to celebrate the holiday when you have the children in your care and custody. It is “okay” to celebrate the holiday early, and it is entirely acceptable to celebrate the holiday “after” the holiday.
If you have extended family members that absolutely can not comply with your parenting schedule for a given year, reach out to the ex-spouse or the estranged spouse to see if he or she would be willing to trade visitation time so that the children do not miss visitation with grandparents and/or extended family.
Treat your former spouse and/or your estranged spouse with respect and kindness (if at all possible!). You are much more likely to obtain compromise and flexibility in parenting time schedules if you are open and willing to compromise and adapt to change.
Assume that your children are your first priority and that their happiness and well-being is of paramount importance. This may remove the battle over whether Wife “wins” or whether Husband “wins” in visitation matters.
If you anticipate there is going to be a “problem” with parenting time this year, there is little time to wait to file a motion with the Court to seek its intervention. Such a motion would need to be filed immediately to try to secure a hearing date before the holiday.

In my opinion, there are really no “winners” in divorce proceedings – a family unit has been lost! In the best of situations, the parents of the children of divorce will cooperate with one another to achieve a workable parenting time schedule to meet the needs of the minor children of the parties.

Source: "Planning Parenting Time for the Holidays – Tips to Follow" by Robert L. Mues, published at his Ohio Family Law Blog.

S.C. Court of Appeals Finds that Incarcerated Parents Entitled to Be Present at Trial

J. Benjamin Stevens — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 09:19:17 -0500

The South Carolina Court of Appeals issued a decision last week in Department of Social Services v. Laura D that it is necessary for incarcerated parents to be present at hearings, particularly when the Family Court has already issued an Order requiring the Department of Corrections to transport that parent to the hearing.

After the child of Mother tested positive for cocaine, the child was taken into emergency protective custody and Mother was ordered to complete a treatment plan. Prior to a scheduled judicial review hearing, Mother was incarcerated. Although the family court ordered the Department of Corrections to transport Mother to the hearing, it failed to do so.

At the hearing, Mother's counsel moved for a continuance based on Mother's absence but the trial court denied the motion, finding Mother to be at fault for her absence based on her incarceration. The Mother appealed, and the Court of Appeals reversed and remanded for a new hearing with Mother present.

The Court of Appeals held that Mother was a necessary and proper party to the action and that the Family Court's refusal to grant her motion for a continuance denied her meaningful access to the courts. The Family Court's reliance on Mother's incarceration preventing her from being present at the hearing was misplaced because she was entitled to be present at the hearing under the court's order of transport.

You can read the full text of this opinion by clicking HERE.

Supreme Court Changes Rule for Appointment of GALs in Abuse/Neglect Cases

J. Benjamin Stevens — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 00:01:48 -0500

The South Carolina Supreme Court issued an Order on November 20, 2009, that eliminates the appointment of attorneys to serve as Guardians ad Litem (GALs) pursuant to Rule 608 in abuse / neglect cases brought by the Department of Social Services in the Family Court, effective July 1, 2010. Attorneys appointed prior to the amendment will continue to serve until they are relieved under the rules or until the matters have been properly concluded. The complete text of the Court's order can be found here.

Study Discusses Children Watching Television in Day Care

J. Benjamin Stevens — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:01:15 -0500

Do you know how much television your kids watch every day? Do you really? If your children are in day care, you probably assume that they are doing things like taking naps and learning to play nicely with others, but you might be surprised to learn that many day care centers allow child to spend as much as two hours a day in front of a television.

A study published last week in the journal Pediatrics, "Preschool-Aged Children's Television Viewing in Child Care Settings" by Dimitri A. Christakis, MD, MPH and Michelle M. Garrison, PhD, was the the first to look at TV watching in child care in more than 20 years. It found that the amount of time children in child care spend watching TV has doubled since the last study, and preschoolers in child care may now spend more than a third of their 12 waking hours each day in front of a TV (when taking into consideration the two to three hours many parents allow at home).

The American Academy of Pediatrics discourages television viewing of any kind in the first two years of life and recommends a daily limit of only one to two hours of quality programming for older children. Children go to day care to develop social skills, build on cognitive abilities and enjoy imaginative play, as well as allowing their parents to work. Other research has connected excessive TV watching during the preschool years with language delay, obesity, attention problems and aggression.

Source: "Some Kids See Lots of TV in Day Care" by Donna Gordon Blankinship, published at AOL News.

What Do Children Think During Family Court Cases?

J. Benjamin Stevens — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 00:01:01 -0500

Family Court cases are difficult for adults, but they can be traumatic for children. After seeing the effect these cases can have on children, Reggie Blackledge, a family law attorney in Collins, Mississippi, wrote the following poem to help adults understand the feelings that children experience when their parents are fighting in court. I am pleased that Mr. Blackledge granted me permission to publish his poem on my blog, and I hope that you find it as meaningful as I do:

IT’S MY FAULT

I’m 8 years old and I don’t know how I got here.
As far back as I know they’ve been fussing.
At first they would just come out of a room with momma in tears.
Then it got so loud that I couldn’t get anywhere that I didn’t hear them cussing.

I’ve heard that a wife should love her husband, and a husband should love his wife.
That’s what I would keep telling myself when I hid.
But their fighting has been going on my whole life.
It must be something I did.

I try to concentrate when I’m in class, but the teacher’s words just start to fade.
Sometimes I just feel numb.
The teachers are worried about my grades.
I must really be dumb.

Now I live with momma and see daddy off and on.
Even with them living apart it’s still the same.
They may not see each other but when daddy calls me they fight on the phone.
I love them both and want it to stop. I must be to blame.

We went back to court today over what the judge called child custody.
As usual they yelled at each other in the hall.
I’m the child so this custody fight must be about me.
If they are fighting over me I must be the cause.

Court is over now and I’m trying not to think about what was said.
I need to sleep. I just want some rest.
Momma’s nerve pills are by her bed.
I’m so confused and upset.

They were bitter. I lay down on momma’s bed.
I remember my last thought
As I whispered out loud and sleepily said,
“This must all be my fault.”

By: A. Regnal Blackledge, Attorney at Law
Shoemake & Blackledge, PLLC
Collins, Mississippi 39428
www.shoemakeblackledge.com

Happy Thanksgiving from The South Carolina Family Law Blog

J. Benjamin Stevens — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 00:01:51 -0500

Take a moment today to consider all the things that you should be thankful for, and be sure to let those you love know that you love and appreciate them...

Thanksgiving Advice for the Recently Separated or Divorced

J. Benjamin Stevens — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:01:56 -0500

Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC, a psychotherapist in Connecticut who works with families in transition, provides the following excellent advice for Thanksgiving:

Thanksgiving marks the official beginning of the holiday season. Although usually less fraught with anxiety than Christmas, if it is the first “big holiday” since your estrangement from your spouse, you may be dreading the day. It also may be your first holiday without your children.

Going through a divorce can give you the perfect “excuse” to break with tradition and forge your own way of celebrating. Spending the holiday home by yourself watching videos and eating Chinese take-out (yes, they are open on Thanksgiving) may be just what you need to do! Evelyn prepared a complete Thanksgiving dinner for herself of her favorite foods. She set the table with linen and candles and put on music she liked. Then she enjoyed the day celebrating by herself. Divorce gives you the opportunity to listen to what you want and what works for you. It can be a time of loss of traditions, but it also can signal liberation from those traditions, rituals, and obligations that no longer have meaning for you.

If you do decide to spend the holiday alone, some people may feel uncomfortable with your decision. Stand your ground. Know what is right for you. If you need to spend the day cleaning out the basement or making cookies, then do it! Pay attention to your own needs.

If you have your children for the holiday, you may want to discuss alternate plans with them. Some families go to the movies on Thanksgiving Day, eschewing the big turkey for a big bag of popcorn. You can make new choices to fit your life. Above all remember, every holiday is only twenty four hours. You can get through twenty four hours. Next year won’t carry the same weight as this year. You will be surprised when you look back on how far you have really come. You will be able to affirm that the journey was tough, but worth it!

One final word on Thanksgiving—whatever you decide to do, set aside a few minutes to express and feel your gratitude. You can do this in prayer, with your children, in a letter to yourself, or in volunteering. There are good things in your life. When you neglect to honor them, you give divorce too much power. Divorce is not your whole life, but rather something that happens in your life!

Adapted from Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce.

Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC, published From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce, which was was awarded Honorable Mention in the self-help category by the Independent Publishers Association. Her second book Profileactics: A Guide for the Prevention of Ill-Conceived Personal Ads was just published in October 2009.